tag:brittanybexton.com,2005:/blogs/foreward?p=2Foreward2020-02-25T14:12:41-06:00Brittany Bextonfalsetag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/62272362020-02-25T12:52:47-06:002020-02-25T14:12:41-06:00Through The Wilderness<p>Have you ever been in a place where you feel like you have faced challenge after challenge, and battle after battle? A place where you’ve had breakthrough, only to deal with yet another challenge right afterward? I believe when we are in seasons of growth, and breakthrough, we often face unusual warfare. </p>
<p>Recently God has been reminding me of the story in the book of Exodus, Israel’s walk through the wilderness to the promised land. This was a journey God led them on. It was a journey to freedom, joy, peace, happiness, growth, and goodness. But it didn’t come without its challenges or warfare. What strikes me so much about this story, is that God showed up for the Israelites in HUGE ways. He came in with wonders and miracles, and saved them. But, the story that most people know and focus on is the parting of the red sea, when God stepped in and parted an entire sea, so that the Israelites could flee from the Egyptians on dry land. What’s interesting to me about this story, is that you would think that THIS, was their big breakthrough. You would think that the parting of the sea was the end to all their troubles, and on the other side they would be in the promised land. But that is not how the story goes. The Egyptians passed through the sea, but they still had to walk through the desert. But God made streams for them in the desert so they would not go thirsty. They still had to walk through the wilderness, but God made a way for them through the wilderness. They still had to face hunger, but God gave them manna from heaven. They still had to face battles, but God made them victorious when they lifted their hands to him. </p>
<p>It is so easy when we go through these seasons of transition, growth, and breakthrough to wonder if the challenges will ever end. To wonder if the promise we are standing on is really coming, or if it was just a pipe dream. But, look at what the Israelites faced. Did those challenges deny what God had promised? No. They may have had to go through challenge after challenge, and experience many little breakthroughs along the way, but God still led them to the promised land. They still got their promise. His word never returns void. His promise always stands. So, no matter what you are facing today. Whether it is a battle, or another breakthrough moment to praise Him on the journey. Know that as long as you keep walking toward the promise, you will still reach it.</p>
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<p>#Facingchallenges #Victory #Promise #God'spromise #hope #trauma #Depression #Inspiration #hopeforthehurting #learningtobelieveagain #believe #battles #facingbattles #believeagain #Trust #God #promisedland #love</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/60740052020-01-09T12:31:13-06:002020-01-09T15:30:34-06:00Hope Rises From The Ashes<p> This week I was reminded of a science experiment we did as a class in early elementary school. We were experimenting to see what soil conditions plants best grow in. we germinated seeds and grew plants in small plastic cups on the window sills. We had two different control groups for the experiment. Control group one was regular soil, Control group 2 was the same soil, but it was burned. The samples had been collected from the same area, but part of the earth was scorched from a wildfire, and the other part had not been. We the plants were all watered the same amount, and exposed to the same amount of sunlight. They were all grown during the same time period. Still, one of the control groups grew and thrived more than the other. It was control group two, grown in the fire scorched soil that grew healthier and larger than the other plants. It was a surprising discovery for us as kids, that land that had been exposed to fire actually grew healthier plants than that which hadn’t been. </p>
<p> I know God reminded me of this experiment now as a source of hope, and a reminder, that even as we watch things seemingly burn to the ground, we don’t know what is germinating under the soil, what is about to spring forth, and what beautiful and healthy life can come in the wake of that fire. Out of the ashes springs hope, life, and new beginnings. This is true not just for literal fires, like the ones we have seen burning in the world, but also for the metaphorical fires in our lives. Even when it seems like things have been burned down, and all that’s left is ashes, God uses the fertile soil of our lives and our hearts to germinate seeds that we have already planted in our lives and our hearts. Seeds that may be buried under the surface of the soil. The very fires that we go through, help the fresh life to grow and bloom. The fires that we walk through fertilize the seeds in our hearts and our lives. As we enter the new year, instead of looking back at what went wrong last year, or reeling from the fires that have gone through our lives, or desperately trying to fix things with new year’s resolutions, recognize the seeds that you have planted. Recognize that every day we get to show up, and bring all of our experiences to the table, even our scorched soil. And sometimes the scorched soil of our past hurts, pains, trials, and experiences, is the very fertile ground from which God can grow the seeds of our purpose and our hearts desires.</p>
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<p>#fires #ashes #australianfires #hope #trauma #Depression #Inspiration #hopeforthehurting #learningtobelieveagain #believe #believeagain #Trust #God </p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/60041912019-12-11T14:20:34-06:002019-12-13T14:09:50-06:005 Tips for Dealing with Grief and Depression During the Holidays<p> The holidays are not always cheery and bright. While there are people who can’t wait until Christmas tunes start playing on the radio and decorations get hung around the house, the reality is that the holidays can hold a lot of weight and pain for a lot of people. This can be for a lot of reasons, including simply, the implied pressure around the holidays for things to be happy and good. However, the holidays can be especially challenging when you are dealing with grief and loss. </p>
<p> I’ll be honest, the holidays are not a time of the year I look forward to, as they hold a lot of painful memories from my childhood. When I was very young, I lost 3 grandparents in 3 years. And to top that off, both of grandfather died at Christmastime. One right after Christmas, and one right before. The turmoil of a funeral days before Christmas is not a happy way to bring a family together, and family drama reaches whole new heights when death is involved. Before my grandparents passed, we had big, magical family Christmases, surrounded by cousins, yummy food, and fun. After they passed, Christmas was never quite the same. My Cousins stopped coming to visit for the holidays, and what once had been so full of family, and yummy smells, and happy memories, was replaced with quiet, and a lot of memories I didn’t want to think about. So, how do you get through the holidays without going insane? Here are my best tips: </p>
<p><strong>1-</strong> <strong>Breathe - </strong>When you have a moment that feels heavy, breathe. Take a moment to ground yourself where you are, look at the things around you. Find 3 things you can see, two things you can touch, and 1 thing you can smell. Feel the ground under your feet, and breathe through whatever feelings come up. </p>
<p><strong>2- Find the things you can enjoy -</strong> maybe overall you feel crummy, and wish you could just skip the whole holiday season. But, I bet there is at least one thing you can find to enjoy. Maybe it’s as simple as a holiday drink you treat yourself to, like hot apple cider, or your favorite Christmas cookie. Maybe it’s the sound of snow crunching under your feet. Maybe it’s the smell of wood-burning fireplaces. Whatever it is, find those things, and allow yourself to really enjoy them. </p>
<p><strong>3- It’s ok to not be 100% happy</strong>- Give yourself permission to grieve. There can be a lot of pressure for things to be good, or happy during the holidays. Take a deep breath and let yourself off the hook. It’s okay to feel whatever you are feeling right now. Give yourself permission to cry if you need to cry, to be angry if you are, and to give yourself time to feel your feelings up and out. If you push them down, you will just be more anxious, and they won’t pass. Feel them up and out. Take a moment to express those feelings in a healthy way. If you are grieving a specific loss, taking the time to process that specifically is healthy as well. Missing someone just means that you loved them, and that love remains. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Taking time to honor those connections is totally healthy. It’s ok if none of your usual traditions are honored. Take time to do the things that make you feel peace, and create new memories where you can. </p>
<p><strong>4- Take time with God</strong> - Whatever this means for you. For me, it is morning prayer, bible reading, and singing worship songs. When my heart is the heaviest, sometimes sitting at the piano and signing a worship tune is the only thing that will lift my spirits and my hopes. But this can also mean taking time in nature to appreciate the beauty that is around you even in the midst of the pain. Just know that God can take your pain, your hurt, and your anger. He sees your heart, He loves you, and He weeps with you in your grief. Don’t be afraid to talk to him about it. Even if talking to him means yelling and getting angry. If David was afraid to express his feelings or anger to God, we wouldn’t have the psalms. Just let his peace cover you as well. </p>
<p><strong>5- Reach out</strong> - When you are feeling sad, or grieving, it can be really hard to reach out to other people, or to get out and going. It;s easy to want to process feelings alone, and rest a lot. The cold weather can make this a lot easier to do as well. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself, and if you are surrounded by people constantly, this is very important as well, so you can do the above tips! But, if you are feeling like staying curled up in bed every day, and find that you’ve isolated yourself from friends and the outside world, take a leap and get out, and reach out. Getting some sunshine, even if it is freezing is important. And connecting with friends and loved ones, even when you don’t feel like it at all is healing, and it is bonding as well. Good friendships deepen when you are honest in your hurt and allow others to be there with you. Spending time with friends can also be a break from the hurt and wash of the holidays. Maybe what you need is a good distraction from everything you’re feeling, so you can enjoy a moment of fun, a good conversation, a walk, or just a laugh with a friend. Laughter is medicine for the soul, and friends are a comforting salve. </p>
<p> The holidays are a mix of emotions, for many people, and this year, I hope you know you’re not alone in it. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Lean into Him, and know, the holidays, and the pain will be over soon. Though we may face troubles and pain, God is still a God who brings beauty out of the ashes, and takes things, even meant for evil, and turns them for our good. If you are hurting right now, the story isn’t over.</p>
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<p>#griefsymptoms #griefquotes #complicatedgrief #griefanddepression #Traumasymptoms #learningtobelieveagain #effectsoftrauma #believeagain #howtodealwithtrauma #howtodealwithgrief #howtodealwithacrisisoffaith #howtodealwithdepression #howtodealwiththeholidays #holidays #5tipsfordealingwiththeholidays #5tips #5tipsfordealingwithgriefduringtheholidays</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269712018-08-18T20:50:00-05:002019-07-16T20:51:11-05:00A Free-write on Grief - Please forgive typos... Unedited thoughts this morning. <p>Grief can’t be bottled into phases. It can’t be explained away. You can’t tell anyone how to grieve, or know how they will. You can’t even know yourself how grief will hit you, or what it will feel like. It’s a million feelings rolled into one, and complete numbness all at the same time. Sometimes, it’s sadness so deep that your insides literally ache, and your throat hurts. Sometimes it feels like someone is stabbing you in the chest. Sometimes it's a lump in your throat that won't go away, no matter how many times you swallow, or how much tea you drink. Sometimes it’s rage, anger, a feeling like you want to explode with fire. Sometimes it’s joy and gratefulness at the memories. The moments, that you wouldn’t give up for anything. Gratefulness for the sweetness, the years of laughter, the smiles, the snuggles, the love. Gratefulness that you got the gift of experiencing that person, and sharing life with them, even if it was too short. Gratefulness, and joy, and laughter, followed by a hollow, aching emptiness of the realization, that in this life, or in this time, you can’t have or hold what you so greatly love. Some moments it’s peace, because you feel them so strongly, it’s like they are there with you, in breaths, in moments. You can almost feel them nuzzle against you, or hear their heartbeat, or catch their smile from the corner of your eye. It’s denial, because there is a part of your soul that just can’t accept that they are no longer there with you. Maybe it’s the part of us that is eternal, that knows that love can’t ever fully leave us, that knows there soul is still connected to yours endlessly, woven into the very parts of who you are. Denial, because you can’t imagine going one day without being able to hear their voice, or share a laugh, or put your arms around them, or share a little piece of your day. You can’t imagine going one more day, let alone the rest of your days. And sometimes it’s numbness. Numbness, that shuts down all emotion, all thoughts. Numbness, because you feel too much, so much, that your body just can’t take it, so it goes into survival mode, and just shuts all feeling off. Numbness, because you have to go on, you have to survive without something or someone you didn’t think you could live without, but you have to. You have to keep living. So you keep moving, and you keep breathing, and you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you keep doing the things you have to do to survive, but you feel nothing, because nothing feels better than feeling everything, until it doesn’t. And even though you don’t feel it, the grief is still there, in your skin, in your muscles, in your organs, in your bones, in your soul, just waiting to be allowed out again. To be released, to be expressed, to be felt up and out. But grief isn’t on a timeline. It doesn’t have an end date. Missing someone doesn’t just go away. Life goes on, despite feeling like it would stop, it keeps moving. There are still happy moments. There are still smiles, there is still laughter, there are still hugs, and blessings. There are beautiful people that come into your life, or grow more deeply into your life, and fill some of the hollow space that the grief left behind. Because life does keep moving, and it keeps being beautiful, even in the pain, even through the pain. And as you move through the pain, you may even find, that happiness creeps its way into your life again. That the empty spaces and the ache isn’t so present, as it’s given way to the warmth of new memories, and new moments. But the truth of grief, the truth of missing someone who’s gone, is that you never stop missing them. It doesn’t ever go away. Love fills the hollow spaces, but it never takes away the love they left with you, the love that still fills a part of your soul, and with that, the longing never fully goes away. You start get used to living without them. It becomes normal, instead of foreign, and the laughter takes place of the tears more and more frequently. But there will always be moments when the loss hits you all over again, like a fist in your gut. Maybe it’s a photo that you come across that floods you with love and memories, and longing. Or maybe it’s a moment, that is so familiar, it’s almost as if reliving a moment when they were there, but they’re not. Or maybe it’s when life is hard, and you wish more than anything that you could just talk to them, or give them a hug, because they always made the hardest moments so much better. But there is a piece of grieving that never fully leaves us. So grieve. Allow yourself to feel. Let it come up and out. Let it come streaming from your muscles and your bones, and your gut, and cry it out, yell it out, laugh it out, let yourself become a heap of salty tears, and sloppy runny nose on the floor. Because grief is love, and it’s ok, no matter how it looks or feels, and you have to get it out of your body.</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269702018-03-27T20:50:00-05:002019-07-16T20:48:36-05:00A Survivors Poem <p>Project Life Quality is an amazing organization that raises awareness for domestic abuse and encourages survivors to share their stories and heal through art. They do weekly challenges. This weeks challenge was a poem, telling people what you would like them to know about abuse, and how to support you. I decided to partake. This is a free form, free write poem. </p>
<p>A Survivors Poem </p>
<p>Why does it always come down to me? </p>
<p>Asking why didn’t I leave? </p>
<p> Because part of me still believed the lies that he’d told me. </p>
<p>My brain was such a fog, that it was hard to see the truth, </p>
<p>Through the fear, obligation, and guilt. </p>
<p>A subconscious whisper tormenting me, </p>
<p>saying if I, If I, If I, </p>
<p>If I just loved enough, gave enough, tried harder, did it differently, </p>
<p>then maybe, maybe, maybe, it wouldn’t be so painful. </p>
<p>Maybe, it would change him. Change the outcome this time. </p>
<p>Abuse doesn’t make sense, it has no answers, it can’t be compared to normal rules or truth. </p>
<p>So before you lay your judgement, or look at me with shame. Before you blame a victim, take the time to recognize, </p>
<p>That we were lied to when we were young or still believed, that people were truly good at heart, and no one could be evil. </p>
<p>Because no one looks for evil, from someone who professes love, </p>
<p>and showers you with affection, and tells you that you’re the one, </p>
<p>but it’s the little mind games, that go on daily for so much time, that slowly strip your confidence, and make you believe the lies, </p>
<p>that isolate you from loved ones so they can’t get through to you. </p>
<p>and make you hide in shame, embarrassed to share the truth. </p>
<p>It’s the jokes that aren’t funny to tear you down a notch, or the backhanded compliments that leave you feeling stumped. </p>
<p>It’s subtle and it’s dragged out, and many cannot see </p>
<p>the daily baseline abuse, as it strips your self esteem. </p>
<p>Walking on eggshells, always trying to keep the peace. </p>
<p>Doing everything you can to prevent a fight, </p>
<p>But in trying to keep things calm, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s right. </p>
<p>And just when you get to the end of your rope, </p>
<p>When your about to give up, cause you’re broken and you’ve lost hope, </p>
<p>They change the script and do, the most evil thing of all, and they pretend to be sorry, or put on a show, they act better, and for a moment, remind you of the love, that they showed you in the beginning, when they said you were the one. </p>
<p>And you question leaving and think maybe they’ve finally changed, it’s so much easier to stay. </p>
<p>So much time invested, so much heartache, tears, and even smiles, </p>
<p>its hard to give up, when you think they can reconcile. </p>
<p>But that’s just part of the cycle, and the good is just the cliff, and they smile on the edge, as they push you and you plummet, right back down to the challenges, the confusion and the pain. All the ups and downs really mess with your brain. </p>
<p>It doesn’t matter how strong you are, how smart or confident. You don’t see it coming when you meet someone like this. They’re conniving, and they’re sneaky and masterly manipulative. And by the time you see the truth you are in so deep, that the way out isn’t clear, and it’s dark and hard to see, </p>
<p>But there is light at the end of the tunnel, on the other side of their chains, there’s happiness, and hope, and real love awaits. But if I ever get sad, or triggered to remember how dark it was, sit with me with patience, and extend an arm of love. </p>
<p>I don’t need your judgements, your advice, or opinions pushed, </p>
<p>I just need to know I’m not alone, and it’s safe to share my truth. </p>
<p>Your acceptance and support and loving tools, are the things that give me strength. Don’t shatter me with hard truths, don’t push, please I’ve had enough, show me a better way, the way of truth, and real love. </p>
<p>That gives me hope for a future that my past tried to steal, </p>
<p>and reminds me I am worthy, no matter how much pain I feel. </p>
<p>The love of friends and family and the truth of what is right. </p>
<p>Those are the things, that help me most to heal. </p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269652017-10-12T20:45:00-05:002019-07-16T20:45:26-05:00Ashes And Smoke<p> What are you supposed to feel when you are watching the place you grew up, literally burn to the ground? Historic sites, and memories up in smoke, nothing left but the charred remains of people’s lives. Fear, sadness, worry, shock, doubt, numbness, faith, hope, a slew of emotions start, and then give way to numbness, because how do you feel. You don’t want to feel scared, because fear somehow feels like giving way to the darkness. When the sadness creeps in, it’s pushed off by a voice that says, you can’t go there now, it’s too much. Worry, comes knocking, and I want to scream, “Go away! You’re not allowed here, everything will be fine!” Faith that somehow, God will step in and bring good out of this, that he will protect my family, my memories. Hope, that the fires will stop, that rain will come early and unexpectedly, like a cleansing bath from heaven, to squelch the flames. Shock, that must be the feeling, the feeling that encompasses every other sensation and thought that comes up, because these things don’t happen in real life, in my world right? Fires don’t overtake and level entire cities, they are stopped. Nightmares like this don’t last for more than one day. Surely, the devastation will stop. The images of charred earth are a picture of a faraway place, a make believe place in a movie that plays far off of my mind, but it’s not. It’s real, and it’s there; in a place I hold dear to my heart. A place that holds people I love deeply, and memories I cherish. </p>
<p> Last night I made a call home, please pack the photos first. Pack the family photos and your clothes, pack necessities. Memories, and life, the two things that can’t be replaced. The things that we are all clinging to and trying to protect. In the ash that keeps falling, are charred pieces of people’s lives and memories; baby books, and photos, long forgotten children’s stories, the fabric and trail of life. And in the midst of the devastation, a piece of the bible floated down onto my friends lawn, charred around the edges, but the verse itself untouched. “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Psalm 23 </p>
<p>Photo Credit: Katherine Wheeler</p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/376341/620a092813023cc47a1b9a9380584921bbff8b96/original/the-lord-is-my-sheperd-fire.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269642017-10-02T20:45:00-05:002019-07-16T20:43:39-05:00Bye, Bye Miss American Pie...<p>This morning I woke up to the news of the terrible tragedy in Las Vegas. This particular tragedy wasn’t something that was far removed from me. While it was thousands of miles away in Las Vegas, it was still a tragedy that hit people close to me. A man opened fire from the 32nd floor of a hotel into a crowd of fans attending a big country music festival. Were my fans and friends among the crowds? Yes. Among the people performing at that event, were drummers, guitar players, and friends that I have toured with, and spent hours on the road with. My Aunt called me this morning to make sure I wasn’t there. The first thing I did when I found out was make sure that one of my good friends and biggest supporters, who lives in Vegas, was not at the event. By the grace of God, the folks that I know who attended the event, or were close by are ok. However, there are at least 50 other people who are not ok. Who will not be going home to their families, or saying goodnight to their loved ones tonight. And whether bullets hit the others or they got out physically unharmed, that event will remain a wound on their hearts. What they saw and heard, they can’t unsee or unhear, and what happened is done. So where does that leave us. This morning, this is the thought it left me with, we need to be a people that stops living on paper, and starts living out loud. How many of us have lives that look so good on paper, or social media? So much of society lives with plastered on smiles, pushing down pain, frustration, or anger, and trying to live a “good life” that looks right on paper. But is that how we’re really called to live? When Jesus walked among us, he constantly broke what the religious leaders considered “religious law.” He healed people on the sabbath, He befriended those who others would not speak to. He called out hypocrites. Jesus did not live a life that looked good on paper. He associated with prostitutes, adulterers, and tax collectors, and he called out the people who sat high and mighty preaching religious law, and yet He is the One who lived a holy, and righteous life. Because Jesus didn’t just live a life that looked good on the outside, He lived a life that felt good and right on the inside. He listened to his heart and soul when they spoke to Him. He recognized anger and sadness as directional markers when they came up, and He didn’t ignore them. He helped people who had a desire for change, and He rebuked those who believed they were above others, and had lost sight of the heart of God. </p>
<p>I can’t help but wonder what life would be like if we began to live a life that felt good on the inside, just as Jesus had. What would happen if we were true to our hearts and our emotions, and spoke up when we felt something that hurt us. The more we push down our feelings and replace them with a smile, the less we feel. The more we pretend, the less becomes real. And the more we shut out the truth, the less we see it even when it’s in front of our faces. If we could just allow ourselves to feel more, maybe we could also be more open to see others hurting. Perhaps we’d better be able to recognize those around us who are holding on by a mere thread and on their way to a breakdown. When we shut down our own emotions, we close ourselves off to our own hearts and souls. We shut off our ears to the voice of God, and we close our eyes to the truth around us. We stop feeling the good moments as much as we stop feeling the hard ones. That is not living at all. Life is far too long to live a life that looks good and doesn’t feel good, and it’s far too short, to go another day without making a change and taking a chance to live fully in truth, and strive for a life that feels good on the inside. So in the wake of a great tragedy, take time to grieve, and get sad and angry at the loss. Take time today to listen to your heart, and listen to it’s desires. What do you want so much that you’ve been putting off. What have you been pretending is ok, when it hurts. Is there a part of you that a part of you that knows you aren’t fulfilled, but has kept quiet. Who have you not spoken to in ages that you can reach out to and just catch up with. Give yourself nurturing love today, and the permission to feel, and reach out to those around you in love. Look around, and notice those who seem to be hurting. Hold the door for a stranger, and smile genuinely at someone who needs it. Say the loving things that come to your mind. You never know what a difference the smallest of gestures can make. Don’t live on paper, live out loud.</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269622017-01-04T20:40:00-06:002019-07-16T20:40:28-05:00It Felt Like... Part 2 <p>It Felt Like… Part 2 </p>
<p>I had a conversation with a wonderful woman recently about domestic abuse, and she asked me a question that made me feel like I really needed to write a part 2 follow up for my blog from December. I left something out of my December blog post that is really important. It’s important, because it speaks to the nature of being in an abusive situation, and an understanding of why people stay in abusive situations as long as they do. </p>
<p>The million dollar questions she asked me was: “Did you feel safe with him?” </p>
<p>Here’s the crazy part… The answer is a murky yes, in a way I did. That’s right, there was a part of me that felt comfortable, and even safe with my abuser. I know, it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make any logical or emotional sense. </p>
<p> In clinical terms there are two ways this phenomena is generally explained. 1) It’s an addiction. Abusive relationships aren’t all lows. There are highs mixed with the lows. They are a roller coaster ride. You never know what you are going to get. Will you be met with the charming, affectionate, fun person you fell for, or the mean, manipulative, aggressive person that they sometimes show you? Are they apologizing profusely and trying to show you they’ve “changed?” or are they slipping back into the same old pattern again? This crazy cycle produces all sorts of chemical reactions in our bodies that create a similar effect as drugs, and we essentially form an addiction, or a trauma bond. </p>
<p>2) There is a crazy thing called cognitive dissonance that happens with abuse. When you are in a situation where you know you are not being treated the way you deserve, or making healthy choices, but you don’t see an easy way out, your brain tells you a little lie that says, “It’s not so bad. There are good things here. It’s better than it was.” Another example of Cognitive dissonance would be a cigarette smoker. Asmoker knows that cigarettes are bad for them, but they don’t know how to quit, so they tell themselves it’s ok, because they only smoke three a day now, which is way better than the pack a day they used to smoke. These little cognitive dissonance fibs do not make it good, they do not make us happy, they do not make it right, and they do not make it ok, but they are a survival mechanism when we don’t see an easy answer, or an easy escape. </p>
<p>Clinical definitions aside, my emotional experience of it was very mixed. You see, there was a part of me that felt safe with him. I had been with him for a long time. He had seen me at my worst (partially because he brought out my worst parts), and he had seen me at my best. We spent a ton of time together. That is part of an abusive relationship, early on they shower you with affection, and they want to spend all their time with you. They monopolize your time. You can’t give time to something without creating a bond, whether that bond is healthy or not. Spending that time together doesn’t just create a bond, it creates a habit. I was in the habit of being with him, and in that way, it felt comfortable, and it felt safe. We had so much invested in our relationship in shared time. He had seen me at my worst and not left. Even when he would push me away or leave, he would always come back. He was a constant of sorts. I may have never known what exactly I was coming home to, but I knew what to expect overall. </p>
<p>Now, this being said, I want to make it clear that I never truly felt safe with him. I did not feel emotionally safe, in the sense that my feelings were never validated. I could not approach him with my cares, and worries, or God forbid a complaint about something he did, because I wouldn’t be met with a healthy discussion or problem solving attitude. I was instead, met with judgement, criticism, blame, threats, guilting or other emotional blackmail. It could be as simple as him brushing off my sadness about something and saying I was overreacting, or as big as him blaming me for hurts that he’d caused me, and even calling me crazy to react, and threatening a course of action if I didn't let it go. Did I feel safe in the sense of being grounded, cozy, and stable? No. I was on eggshells with him. I never knew what would cause an issue, or what mood he would be in when we spoke or saw eachother. He could be fun and affectionate and appreciative, or he could be mean, distant, and play mind games. I was not emotionally safe with him. My ex was never physically abusive, so physical danger wasn’t something I worried about, but, if I were to be fully honest, there were moments once or twice in the 5 years we were together, that I had a strange sense of not feeling fully safe. He didn’t say or do anything to make me feel that way in the moment. The feeling was as subtle as the hair on the back of my neck raising for just a second, but it was there, under all of the idealizing that my mind wanted to do about the relationship, that uncomfortable feeling was still there, buried, but present. </p>
<p>Still, despite knowing that it wasn’t healthy. Despite knowing I wasn’t being treated the way I deserved. Despite never knowing what I would get from him. Despite feeling hollow, and numb, and frustrated, there was still a part of me that felt safe. Because I knew who he was and what he was. There wasn’t some big unknown. I couldn’t have the rug pulled out from under me, because it already was. I remember once after the last time we split up, I was seeing someone new, and shortly after we started dating, I panicked. He hadn’t called in a day or two, and I was so used to the hyper attentiveness that I’d had with my ex early on, that part of me thought the guy was bolting. And I remember thinking, “What am I doing? I shouldn’t be with this guy, I should just go back to my ex, he loves me, and he will never leave!” Luckily I had enough recovery at the time to have a second voice pop into my head that said “Brittany, he may always come back, and never leave fully, but he can’t even really be with you when he’s there. He might love you in the only way he knows how, but he doesn’t know how to actually love, and he doesn’t know how to receive real love, and it’s not healthy.” That was the moment I realized I had to go no contact for a while, and not speak to him at all. Because my habit was so adapted to going back, to caving in, that it was too risky to stay in contact. My brain and emotions were so trained by the habit and chemicals of being with him, that I couldn’t heal without getting completely away. I needed to create a new healthy habit and pattern. I had to give myself space and freedom to move on. I had to allow myself to be with someone else, and grow with someone else, and allow those feelings to develop, without him being able to intervene, and meddle. I needed to do that for myself. I needed to give myself that gift. And I did, thank God! </p>
<p>The easiest way to sum up the false sense of “safety” you get by staying with, or going back to an abuser is this, “It’s the devil that you know.” It can be so scary to contemplate the unknown. It’s scary to think of what could happen. Could you be met with a worse fate? Fears come up that tell you lies like, “You might not meet someone better. You might meet someone worse. What if they cause trouble even after you leave? What if no one else sees you or wants you? You are failing them.” It can be scary and sad to feel like you are giving up on someone you once loved; someone you invested time, and energy, and money, and promises into. But, the devil that we know is still the devil, and often, God lives in the unknown. God lives in the possibilities. Because for every what if, there is a positive. What if you meet someone worse? Well, what if you meet someone better? What if it hurts? What if it sets you free, heals you, and leads to you being happy again? Change is scary. The unknown is scary. But happiness lies in the possibilities, that lie in the unknown future. To stay is to stay stuck, it’s to stay in misery, numbness, and to simply settle. Life was meant to be lived abundantly. Love y’all!</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269612016-12-13T20:30:00-06:002019-07-16T20:30:54-05:00It felt Like... <p>It felt like drowning while trying desperately to tread water. It felt like exhaustion. It felt like screaming at the top of my lungs, but all that would come out was silence. It felt like fire in my gut. It felt like an elephant on my chest. It felt like a river of sickness; a river that flowed through my core and tried to engulf me. It felt like numbness. It felt like silence. It felt like the world was spinning out of control and I was helplessly sitting in the middle watching it all. It felt like striving. It felt like failing. It felt like I was mute, and even if I screamed, or cried, or spoke loudly, no one would hear. It felt like banging my head against a wall. It felt like being alone in a blank room, with no windows, and no doors. It felt lonely. It felt guilty, like somehow, some way, I could do something to make it better; I could do something differently. I could love enough, or hold back enough, or give enough, to make it ok, to make it work, to make it better, but there was nothing. Nothing I could do, no amount of love I could give, no change that I would make that would make it right. I couldn’t love him well, I couldn’t make him better. </p>
<p>I was never hit. I was never told I wasn’t good enough, or that I was stupid, and I was never directly torn down. It took me years to even realize that what I had gone through was abuse, because emotional and psychological abuse is subtle; it’s manipulative, and it’s covert. It doesn’t always rage in huge fights. It doesn’t always lash out. It’s the little things, day by day, that seem unimportant or insignificant at the time. It’s the moment where what you want is put aside for what they want, and it doesn’t seem like a big deal. Love and relationships are built on compromise right? But how many times did I agree to things I didn’t like, didn’t want, or agree to not have what I truly desired? It was the times I was unhappy, or sad, or angry, and my emotions got pushed to the wayside, minimized, or I was told to buck up; or, worst of all, shunned for having an emotional reaction at all. My feelings, my hurts, they were used against me. Instead of open discussions, it was guilt. It’s the times I brought up challenges we had, and was told I was overreacting, or crazy for getting upset, or told “what do you want me to do about it?” as if it was a threat, that if we even discussed my needs, I would be left, or hurt. It was the “jokes;” the sarcastic, condescending “jokes” that I was supposed to know were meant to be funny. Jokes that played on my emotions and worked on my fear. It was the subtle comments to hook me or guilt me. We’d been apart for a day, and I’d get a call saying “I miss you, it sucks missing you.” It was subtle comments about how other boyfriends got to cook their girlfriends dinner, but I had band practice, and he couldn’t. I only had band practice once a week at the time. It was comments like “That guy was staring at you during the whole party. It’s nice to have something that everyone else wants.” Something. Little comments that sounded sweet, or loving at the time, but stuck out in strange ways in my mind, because I’m not something that everyone wants. I’m not an object; I’m a person, not a possession. But that’s what abusers do. They don’t desire to love you; they desire to possess you. They desire to control you. Their “Love” is not real; it’s about ownership. Real love wants to protect its loved one; it wants to build them up, and encourage them. It desires to do things for the other, to give, share, and learn their heart. When he would actually lash out in a big way, which was rare, he would always apologize within a couple of days and explain away why he had lashed out, and call himself an a-hole. Then he would go back to being the sweet as pie guy I fell for. But it was those little things, the small digs, the icky “jokes” the minimizing of my feelings that tore me down over time. You can’t ignore your feelings or desires, without them being somewhat crushed. You can’t say no to your heart and soul, without simultaneously hardening and numbing them out. You can’t stop yourself from sharing your desires and feelings without slowly turning off your voice, and making yourself mute. That is the sickness of abuse. It tears you apart from the inside out before you even realize what’s going on. One morning you wake up with an elephant on your chest, a pit in your stomach, and you don’t know what happened. You don’t know how you got there. </p>
<p>In the beginning it seemed great. He showered me with affection, told me how special I was, and spent all his free time with me. He gave me gifts, and helped me learn lines. We’d stay up counting stars together and talking about our future. He talked about marriage in the first two weeks we were together. Sounds romantic right? It was, it felt weird and amazing all at the same time. It was fast, and swept up, and intoxicating. But when I say it felt weird, I mean, there was a part of me, a small feeling in my gut that said, this is a lot really fast. I’m not used to spending this much time with someone and not having any independence, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. But I was being “love bombed.” When you are being showered with affection, attention, and compliments and you have chemistry with the person, it’s hard to think straight. Hard to listen to that gut sense saying maybe pull back a little and take things slowly because there’s a part of it that feels really good too. It’s easy to rationalize giving in to it. Any time he knew he’d crossed a line and pushed me away, or almost to my breaking point, he’d turn that charm back on, and we’d go through the whole cycle all over again. That is the way of abuse. It’s like a rollercoaster ride. It gets your blood pumping, it gets your adrenaline racing, and just went you think you’re at a smooth coast, you go racing down a steep hill, and end up at the bottom again, feeling confused, unhappy, and like someone has punched you in the gut. It’s easy to become almost obsessed with trying to bring back the good parts, trying to make things better, just to feel the high of things being good again. But you can’t do anything to change or control another person’s behavior. You can’t love someone enough to love them well, and make them better. No matter how hard you try, there is nothing that you can do to make it work. This is a truth that it took me a long time to learn. It didn’t take away the wounds, but it did stop the exhaustion of trying. Trying, and exhausting myself, because trying to control abuse is like banging your head against a wall, and running a marathon with no finish line. </p>
<p>Not all abuse is physical. Not all abuse leaves bruises, scars, or marks. Most abuse is not obvious; it’s hidden. People who abuse put on a really good show, especially for the outside world. They tend to be charming. They don’t just manipulate their victims; they manipulate the people around them. They isolate, they manipulate, and they tear down, little by little. They make you feel crazy. You shrink when you are with an abuser. You tone yourself down. You don’t mean to. You may not even realize you are doing it, but when you are with an abuser, you have to tone yourself down. It’s what happens automatically when you walk on eggshells, never knowing what you’re going to get. But we weren’t made to be toned down, for anyone. We were made to be fully ourselves, to shine our unique light into the world and make it a brighter place. If you feel like your light is being put out by the person you are with, love yourself enough to leave. And love them enough, to make them face themselves. When we stay with someone who is abusive, we enable them to continue their behavior. No one wins. If they have any desire to get better, any desire to change, they will not do it by getting what they want. They won’t change if they are being appeased or loved. They will choose to change, because it hurts too much to remain the same. It won’t hurt until they face true consequences. That’s what accountability truly is. Facing consequences of our behavior. In Al Anon, they say you have to hit a rock bottom before you decide to get better and make the changes. This is true for everyone. Tony Robbins said “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” This is the absolute truth. When you are an empathetic person, it is easy to feel bad for someone who’s hurting, and get dragged right back into an unhealthy situation. But the truth about real love, is that it is based on truth, and truth involves consequences and pain sometimes. When we try to cover pain or make things better, we deny people their rock bottom, and the ability to change. Whether they ever do change, well, that is up to them, but there is nothing we can do to make it happen. </p>
<p>If you are going through abuse, know that you are not alone. Please know, that there is nothing wrong with you. You didn’t cause this; you didn’t attract this. Most abusive people are actually drawn to people who are really strong, amazing, and empathetic. They exploit our empathy, and take joy making themselves look good with someone they can put on a pedestal. You weren’t chosen as a victim because you are weak, or bad. You were chosen because you are a caring and empathetic person who is vibrant and amazing. You have nothing to be ashamed of. There are resources; there is support. Please feel free to reach out to me. If someone you love is going through abuse, don’t give up on them. Don’t stay silent; speak up. But don’t push them either. Show them you care, show them you are their for them. Express concern for their unhappiness. Remind them who they are, and how much they deserve to be happy. Do research on abuse so you can better help them. </p>
<p>Some helpful Articles: </p>
<p>****Disclaimer - please know that personal computer use can be monitored, and go to a public computer such as the library if this might be an issue in your home**** </p>
<p>http://drjoecarver.makeswebsites.com/clients/49355/File/love_and_stockholm_syndrome.html </p>
<p>http://receivehealing.com/blog/230/abusive-relationships-how-friends-and-family-can-help/ </p>
<p>http://receivehealing.com/blog/207/abusive-relationships-what-if-you-still-love-them/ </p>
<p>http://receivehealing.com/blog/24/recognizing-real-love-part1/ </p>
<p>https://www.breakthecycle.org/warning-signs </p>
<p>http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/warning-signs-of-abuse/ </p>
<p>https://www.davidwolfe.com/20-signs-relationship-emotionally-abuse/ </p>
<p>http://www.thehotline.org/ </p>
<p>http://www.thehotline.org/2014/05/what-is-gaslighting/ </p>
<p>http://www.thehotline.org/2013/09/is-change-possible-in-an-abuser/</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269432015-04-14T20:20:00-05:002019-07-16T20:20:49-05:00My Nashville Story - 4/14/15<p> Hey y’all, </p>
<p> I was talking to a friend the other day, when I mentioned something to them about my first few months in town, and they were flabbergasted. I realized I hadn’t shared my “Nashville Story” with them before. My “Nashville Story” is not a smooth one, it is crazy, bumpy, scary, and unreal, but it’s part of my story. For a while, I shared my experience with any new friends I made out here, just not publicly. Talking to my friend the other day, I realized that I have been so focused on my future and where I need to be in the present, that I haven’t thought about it in a long time. I also realized I was ready to share my story with all of you, as it no longer has any emotion attached to it for me. It has become a stepping stone, and not a challenge. </p>
<p> I decided to move to Nashville on a whim. A whim mind you that I had done a lot of praying about. I’d asked God for guidance. I knew I needed to move for my music but didn’t know where, or when. Then one day, my answer came, in the form of a fellow musician telling me to move to Nashville. He said “Move, move tomorrow if you have to! You can’t get where you need to be here.” That was it for me; three days later I decided I was moving. Three months later, I had my pontiac vibe packed as full as I could get it, and I drove cross country for 4 days. The craziest part is that I had never been to Nashville in my life, I knew no one except the musician who’d told me to move, but he was always on the road, so it hardly counted. I was completely by myself. </p>
<p> I had done my research before I came and decided that living in an apartment by myself wasn’t a good way to start, partially because of the cost of living alone, and partially because I didn’t want to get hooked into a long lease in a place I’d never been. So, I found a roommate on craigslist. I was supposed to have the 2nd bedroom in his 2 bedroom apartment, but when I arrived, someone else was still living in “my room” and hadn’t been asked to leave yet. I had no where else to go, so I slept awkwardly on the couch until I met 2 really nice girls at swing dancing that allowed me to stay with them while I looked for other living arrangements. I wrote “Somewhere In Between” in those first two weeks in town. I was literally in between everything! The unfortunate part is, I couldn’t find another living situation in a reasonable amount of time, so I ended up moving back into the original apartment once “my room” had been vacated. This was against my better judgement, and the better judgement of my friends. However, I felt I had no other option. I also thought the main problem was that the guy who was to be my roommate was a pushover and passive. I figured that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing for me to have to deal with. </p>
<p> After my first month or so in town, it became clear that what I initially thought was passive, was actually passive aggressive. The guy that I shared that apartment with hated women. And he was constantly saying very strange passive aggressive things to me. Meanwhile, I was working double shifts almost every day at a restaurant, and doing music. I had no energy for the passive aggressive behavior. One night, I got home late after work, and the guy was waiting for me with a complaint about the fact that I had left my dishes from dinner in the sink when I left for my second shift. I told him I had every intention of cleaning them when I got home, and that’s exactly what I was going to do, but that I wouldn’t do his dishes also. When I told him I wouldn’t do his dishes, he lost it. He lost his mind. It was like something in him just snapped the way an animal loses control when it kills someone. The way someone snaps when they stab a person 30 times. His veins were popping out of his neck, he was pounding his fists on the counter, he was throwing things, and he was threatening me. He told me he would throw me and all of my belonging onto the street right then (1 am), among other threats. It’s like my heart stopped in that moment, and I knew if I said a word, and didn’t stay calm, he’d pull a knife out of the dishwasher and that would be it. I got very, very calm, and when he went back to the other side of the counter I told him I was already looking at other places to live, because I knew it wasn’t working for us to be roommates. He then lost it again. He raged at me for abandoning him to find another roommate and screwing him over financially by not giving him notice. Mind you, I hadn’t found a place yet. When he shut himself in his room, I locked myself in mine, and called a friend. I realized I wasn’t safe, and in the middle of the night, a friend and her boyfriend snuck me, my bunny, and as many of my belongings as we could out of the apartment. </p>
<p> I filed a police report so it would be on record, and only went back with two guys for protection to move the rest of my belongings. The entire time I moved, he raged at me, followed me, and even threatened to kill me, in front of the two guys. It was the most horrendous hour I have ever been through. I had to calmly ignore him and keep moving, while he said, “Don’t you know you’re only about 80 pounds, I would have no problem getting rid of you. You’ll never make it in this town, you are weak and pitiful and can’t deal with anything, and I’ll make sure everyone here knows how crazy and insane you are and that they should never work with you. I’ll make sure you’ll never make it. You might as well go crying home now, cause you’ll never survive out here….” It went on, and on, and on. He tried to get me to clean the floorboards on my hands and knees before I left. The guys with me couldn’t do anything to stop this without causing an actual physical altercation. It was terrible. </p>
<p> I stayed in my friends spare room until I could find an emergency place to live, and I thought I wouldn’t have to deal with him again. Until he continued to send me nasty threatening messages telling me I owed him money for utilities (he actually owed me money), and that if I didn’t give it to him, he would come and get it from me at work. I had to get a restraining order. Except, he didn’t let it stop their. For the next few months, he appealed the restraining order 2 times! I had to go to court 5 times total to keep the restraining order in place. By the time the nightmare was over, I had only been in town for about 6 months. I had recorded my first CD, and had my song aired on the radio for the first time, thanks to Billy Block. He was my first radio interview. I swore to myself that i would make sure to prove him wrong. Music is all I’ve ever wanted to do. Whether or not I’m going to make it has never been a question for me, it was always “when?” The only thing that got me through those months, and the 2 ½ years since is knowing without a doubt that THIS is my calling. This is where God wants me. This is where God planted me, and I would fulfill that calling. Music is beauty to me, it is life, it is love; it gives. It gives to me, and it allows me to give to others, which blesses me daily. Some of you are just getting to know me now, and some of you have been on this journey with me for a few years now. Some of you met me in the middle of that crisis. I am grateful to each and every one of you, every single day. You have sent me messages on the worst days of my life that made them brighter, and reminded me of why I do what I do. You are a daily beautiful reminder that everything I’ve done, everything I’ve worked for, and all that I’ve been through have a purpose, and it is being fulfilled by giving to you, and sharing this journey with you. Thank you for being on this ride with me! </p>
<p> And as a final thought, life happens, pain happens, loss happens; but so do dreams, so does growth. No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what you are dealing with and going through, know that you have a purpose. Do not let circumstances take your joy. You can have joy even through tears and pain. But most importantly, do not let circumstances take your dreams. Your dreams are part of your purpose, they are who you are, and the world needs you. </p>
<p>Love, </p>
<p>Brittany</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269422014-07-08T20:20:00-05:002019-07-16T20:19:09-05:00Health & Beauty Must Haves - 7/8/14<p> Every now and then people ask me what my beauty and health regimen is. So, I decided to share my daily must-haves with y’all! I don’t use a ton of products. I’ve found that simple and good quality is best. </p>
<p>-Water </p>
<p>The very first thing I do when I wake up is drink water. A regular size bottle of water is about right. It’s easy to get dehydrated overnight, and this is a good way to get your body going again right off the bat. </p>
<p>-I start my day off with my daily dose of vitamins and nutrients. </p>
<p>I hate taking pills, so despite the fact that vitamins are great for you, I have never been good about taking them routinely. However, I need a daily boost of helpful nutrients to stay healthy. I have also dealt with chronic pain for years, due to a car accident, and after many years of lots of advil, I gave myself a stomach ulcer, and now am not allowed to take any anti-inflammatories. So I looked up all sorts of natural anti-inflammatories, such as turmeric and ginger, but was always disappointed that I could only find natural anti-inflammatories that were single ingredient pills. And they were all about $50 a bottle! Then my friend Alex introduced me to Zeal, because it had helped her with chronic pain due to fibro-myalgia. After testing it out, I was hooked! I feel amazing with Zeal. My chronic pain is way better than it used to be. I was at the point that I was having to take heavy pain meds almost daily, and after I started drinking Zeal, I only had to take them twice that month! My general pain is WAY better, I feel more clear headed, and have more energy. The best part is that it is all my daily vitamins, minerals, omegas, probiotics, superfoods, and natural Anti-inflammatories all rolled into one. Which means NO PILLS! It’s a powder I mix with water, shake up, and drink first thing in the morning, and I’m good for the day. And, it tastes good too! I’m so grateful I found a supplement that actually makes me feel better, and I look forward to drinking every morning. J </p>
<p>If you’re interested in Zeal, you can read the ingredients here: https://post.zurvita.com/zurvita/1.%20Zeal%20Wellness%20(04:27:12).pdf </p>
<p>& if you want to learn more, & try it, you can get it here: http://brittanybexton.zealforlife.com/ </p>
<p>-I Wash my face with honey </p>
<p>Yes, you heard that right, honey, the sticky stuff. How on earth did this start you wonder? Well, I’m allergic to everything chemical! If I use normal face washes, I start getting rashes. Rashes are not so attractive. Plus, those chemicals are not good for you. They say you shouldn’t put anything on your skin that you wouldn’t ingest? Did you know that honey is a natural anti-inflammatory, and a natural anti-bacterial? It is! It also moisturizes naturally. And, if it gets in your mouth it doesn’t taste nasty. J I use it exactly the way I would use a normal face wash. I wet my face down with water, pour a bit in my hand, and rub it all over my face. I usually wash my face through the abc song. (Ha! Yeah, I’m a goof!) If you want more of a deep clean, you can also use the honey as a mask, and let it sit for a while. When I started washing my face with honey, all the red spots and rashes I had went away, and my skin stays clear. J I recommend using a squeeze bottle, as it just makes it way easier! I’ve heard local honey is the best, but any kind will do. Best part is it’s way cheaper than regular face wash! </p>
<p>Here’s another article about the benefits of honey cleansing: </p>
<p>http://empoweredsustenance.com/wash-face-with-honey/ </p>
<p>-I moisturize with Coconut Oil </p>
<p>Yep, another edible! This is an awesome oil, because it is solid at room temperature, which makes it feel less greasy as it goes on your skin than some oils do. Plus, your skin smells delicious and tropical. I use it on my face and body. It’s fantastic. Coconut oil also has a ton of amazing properties. It is a natural anti-inflammatory, a natural anti-bacterial, a natural anti-viral, a natural anti-fungal, and, it acts as a natural sunscreen. It helps with almost anything that ails you! It can help heal heartburn if you take a spoonful. I love to add it to my hot chocolate or coffee as well! If you have a Trader Joes near you, I highly recommend their jar of virgin coconut oil. J You should be able to get it at any grocery store though. You want to make sure you get virgin coconut oil. </p>
<p>Here’s a link where you can read more about the amazing benefits of coconut oil: </p>
<p>http://www.pilatesfornewmothers.com/2013/01/7-reasons-coconut-oil-should-be-your-new-skin-moisturizer/ </p>
<p>-Water, Water, Water. </p>
<p>I’m ending where I began, because this is the number one must have. I drink a TON of water. I drink at least 4 bottles a day. AT LEAST 4! More is better. You are supposed to have ½ your body weight in water (but convert the lbs to ounces). That’s a lot of water. It makes everything look and feel better. J Thanks to a good friend of mine, I have become a water snob too. J Some of it just tastes better! I love smart water when I can fork up the extra dough. Deja Blue is also great. </p>
<p>Anyhow, I hope this was helpful, enjoyable, and/or intriguing for you! J Love y’all! Until next time, enjoy your days, moments, and people you love! </p>
<p>Brittany</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269132014-07-08T20:15:00-05:002019-07-16T20:14:06-05:00God Has a Sense of Humor- 7/8/14<p>I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the amazing ways that God works in our lives. Sometimes things in the music business (and life) get really hard, and it can be difficult to understand why things are happening the way they are. It makes me really lean into the verse “lean not on your own understanding…” I know God has a plan, and it is a great one, so I constantly remind myself of this. I’ve come to think of these difficult times as “Training.” </p>
<p>When you prepare to run a marathon, you train. You start running daily, adding miles on to your run week by week, until you have the stamina to run the whole marathon. The process can be stressful, exhausting, and painful, and it certainly takes a lot of drive and patience, but it’s far better than the alternative. If you were to jump into the full marathon distance all at once, you’d either seriously upset your body, or simply not be able to finish the race. I think God trains us in the same way. He knows the race that we have to run. He knows how great it is, and what we need to prepare for, so he sends us “training exercises.” </p>
<p> Recently I’ve been in the middle of a few more of God’s little “training exercises.” I’ve been looking for a few new guitar players, because my guitar player has some new projects that won’t allow him to play regularly with me anymore, and I’ve been looking for a new show for CMA Fest, because the one I booked 5 months ago, just got cancelled. So, yesterday, I went downtown and beat the pavement, looking for a new show. It was 90 degrees out, and I was starting to feel frustrated, and suddenly I felt my phone buzz. I pull it out of my pocket, and realize that it was the bands in town app on my phone. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it is an app that lets you know when artists are playing in your area. Well, the update on my bands in town app was to inform me that “Brittany Bexton had a show during CMA Fest.” Mind you, this is the same show, that has been cancelled, and there I was, pounding the pavement looking for a replacement show right as I receive this update! It was a good reminder, that God might put us through painful “training exercises” but He has a sense of humor too, and in that moment, all I could do was laugh! By the way, not to worry, I will have a show during CMA Fest, I’ll let you know the details when I confirm. Thank you for your patience and support! I love y’all! </p>
<p>Brittany </p>
<p>Ps. Don’t forget to laugh at the little things.</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269122014-03-20T20:20:00-05:002019-07-16T20:16:46-05:00Heartbreaks 3/20/13<p> I’m sure we’ve all had our hearts broken at some point; Suffered a blow so shocking that it felt like someone took the breath right out of your chest. That moment that everything you dread comes crashing in all at once, and you feel sick, because no matter how hard you try to make sense of it, you can’t. Some things just can’t be made sense of in this lifetime. Today I heard some extremely sad news. A fellow artist, who I know only well enough to know she is a kind person, who is working extremely hard, lost someone dear to her today. Someone who she never would have expected to lose, her 30 year old boyfriend. And with his passing, comes the loss of a dear friend to many other people I know. When I heard the news, my heart literally broke for her, and I got on my knees, and said a tearful prayer for her. I know what it’s like to suffer serious loss, and I know that this is the most devastating kind of loss. It was totally unexpected, and unexplained, and there is nothing that any of us can do to change it. Wow. To wrap your head, and heart around that, is just not possible. </p>
<p> The music business is a hard business. It means dealing with a lot of rejection, working really hard, not having a lot of time to connect with people, and it can be very lonely. The are only a few things that we can truly cling to in this business; our faith, the belief that what we are doing and the music we are making is worth something, is our calling, and can make a difference, and last, but of huge importance, the people we love who are close to us, believe in us, and make the journey easier. Today, a fellow artist lost one of her rocks, her partner, friend, and love. Please pray for her, as well as his family and other friends. I know that prayers can truly bring comfort and healing. And please, as you continue through this week, remember the ones you love, your family, friends, and lovers. Take the time to call the people you haven’t spoken to in a while. Cherish this moment, and be grateful for every second you have. Lets honor his life in this way. I love you all, and am grateful for your support. </p>
<p>Love, </p>
<p>Brittany</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269112014-03-05T20:20:00-06:002019-07-16T20:16:21-05:00Lifetimes 3/5/13<p>When I was home for Christmas this year, I spent some time going through closets of my old things, to decide what I was keeping, and what was either trash, or a giveaway/sell item. I found myself going through boxes and boxes of old music, and scripts from plays that I was in or studied, and I found boxes full of pictures too. I looked through these pictures, some that we’re taken in high school, some younger, some from college. Pictures of all different things; Parties, beach days with friends, travel, and shows. I looked through stacks of pictures from my Europe trip right after my senior year. I found old playbills of shows I was in, old reviews of my performances from newspapers, and even an old schedule from one of the theater companies I used to work for. And as I looked through everything, I felt like I’ve already lived multiple lives. Like some of these experiences were entire lifetimes ago. I had a whole career in musical theater already going, and I was successful. I looked at my old schedule and remembered just how busy I was during that time. I didn’t have a day job then either. I was working about 5 different performing arts jobs to make ends meet, and held a full, almost daily schedule with at least one theater company. There it was staring at me. Shows almost every day for months, and that was just one of my jobs. I didn’t stop doing theater because I wasn’t successful, I stopped doing it, because even when I was doing a musical, my heart was yearning for something more. I missed music. I missed doing my own music. I missed being able to go up on stage, and be more completely myself, not someone else. I had really decided to focus on Theater out of college, because that’s where my business training was, and I figured I’d just cross over at some point, and be a solo artist in music, because that was always my dream. But, during my last show, I realized I had no time for music with the schedule I was keeping, and I decided that I was shifting gears. I quit theater, crazy. Now as I look back on those times, I realize I’m right back now where I was at 20. Working my butt off in the beginning stages of my career, doing well, but I still have a lot farther to come. And as I look ahead, I know it’s going to be like this for a while. In fact, for a while, it’s just going to get crazier. But music feeds my soul. It feeds my soul, not just because of what I’m able to get out of being up on stage singing, or writing a new song, but also because of what I’m able to give back. Thank you for being on this journey with me.</p>Brittany Bextontag:brittanybexton.com,2005:Post/58269102014-03-05T20:15:00-06:002019-07-16T20:15:51-05:00Foreward - 3/5/13<p>Since I moved out here to Nashville, my family and friends have been telling me I needed to start writing some of my stories down, and documenting this journey. But I haven’t exactly felt like writing about a lot of the experiences in the moment, because they weren’t all very fun. But for some reason, this afternoon, I wanted to write. I felt like I had some things I wanted to talk about, so, I decided to start a blog officially. Hope you enjoy it! Love y'all!</p>Brittany Bexton